The Power to Decide

Life is all about decisions.  Some are easy, like what to have for breakfast?  Others are more difficult, like where am I going to go to college?  As parents you make choices and decisions everyday that not only effect you but also your children and families. 
I see people in my office everyday that either had the choice to come to counseling, or the choice was made for them.  But one thing that both have in common, they get to decide if they are going to change.  YOU decide if YOU are going to change.  I wish I could say that counseling is magic, oh what fun I could have, but in all seriousness, it takes work.  I have made the choice to make my office available to anyone who wants to decide to change.  I also make my office available to those that haven't yet decided they want or need to change.  But, its not about me, its about the decision to change.  What am asking this week?  Make the choice.  Make the choice to change.  Encourage your husbands, sons, daughters, parents, families, to change.  God has given you the life, its your choice what you want it to look like.

Questions to consider....
1) Have I decided to change, and if so, what?
2) I am really, truly, willing to make the effort to change?
3) What are the pros/cons to changing? 

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!! 

I am thankful for the opportunity to help others in my office and on my blog.  I am thankful also for those that put their trust in me to help them.    Thank You!
Everyone says that Thanksgiving is a time to remember and think about things we are thankful for.  But I think many of us really dont give this much thought.  You see we are spoiled!  (Remember, I am included in that!)  Are we really thankful for what we have, or truly understand how much we do have.  The past several weeks I have really been challenged to consider what I have in my life and how lucky I am.  Our society is all about keeping up with the Jones, and I know for myself, its so easy to get caught up in.  We need to buck the trends of society.    

Questions to consider....
1)  Do you and your family really know all you have in life?(I mean REALLY understand it)
2)  What are ways in which you can help your children and teens not take for granted the things they have?
3) Are you and your family following this scripture? "When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required."  Luke 12:48 NLT

We are our parents

It has been said, "I am only here for my children".  While many parents that I see have good intentions in helping their children there is another side to examine.  Next to school, your children spend the most time with you.  They pick up your habits, your ideas, your ways of looking at life.  You are probably saying, "Yea right John, my child or teen is NOTHING like me".  How right you are, for now.  As your children and teens get older, many times they begin to follow in the footsteps of their parents, and many times not in a healthy direction.  I see teens and young adults that find themselves struggling with life because of their parents.  Now, I do not say this to make you parents feel guilty.  However, your children and teens are only as healthy as you are.  As my clients can atest, I constantly refer to the family as a team.  Therefore, when one member of the team is struggling, so do the others.  Parents if you want the best for your children and teens, then make sure you are taking care of yourself the best.  Best parents = Best kids!

Questions to ponder.....
1) Do I as a parent struggle with any mental illness that I need to get help with?
2) What habits have I developed in dealing with my family?  Are they healthy and promote positive interactions that teach healthy boundries, structure and decision making?
3) If my children or teens are having a difficult time, are there ways I am contributing to it?
4) How would I rate my overall health and well-being as a parent?  Do I get a failing grade?

PS.  Remember parents, not only do I work with children and teens, but also with you by yourself! 

Matthew 7:9

"9 You Parents - if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? 10 Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of coarse not! 11 So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly father give good gifts to those who ask him." NLT

It seems simple, sinners can give good gifts to their children, so therefore God will give above and beyond.  But it makes me wonder if the Bible could mean gifts as more then just physical gifts?  It can be easy to go to the store and buy a gift (ie- new cloths, new video games, gift cards, etc.) but how much harder is it to give the gift of teaching, helping, guiding, safety.  These I believe are also gifts we can give our children.  A gift is defined as

"something given voluntarily without payment in return or to make a gesture of assistance.  Something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned"  I see people day in and day out that do not realise they are giving their kids the wrong gifts.  Gifts that harm, rather then do good.

 

Questions to ponder...

1) Are you giving your children non-physical gifts, if so what are they?

2) Does your child have to work for or do things to get the gifts you give?

3) Do I know what gifts my child needs?

 

Who I am

"And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am"

These are lyrics from a hit song that used to be on the radio.  And as I heard this song the other day it got me thinking.  How many of us, especially teenagers have this same feeling? 
-They dont want to be seen by others for fear of judgement. 
-They think others will not understand them because they are somehow different, or stange, or weird. 
-They feel broken and everything around them will break and fail. 
-They just want someone, anyone to know who they are.
As I listed the song lyrics out as teenage feelings it really got my attention.  What a lonely, miserable place to be!
While not all teenagers feel these feelings all the time, I bet I could say that all of them, including you parents, when you were a teenager, felt those things at one time or another.
What I am proposing as answers to these feelings.....

1) Do you judge your teen for their behavior(s), thoughts, and or ideas?
2) Do you try and understand your teen, really understand them for who they are even if they are not what you expected them to be?
3) Are you there for your teen so when things do fall apart they have support to be put back together?
4) Do you know your teen?  Their opinions, likes, goals, dreams, ideas.

PS.  I apologize for the lapse in blogs the past two weeks.