Oops!

I have this eraser in my office that used to be kept in my desk drawer.  But a couple weeks ago I came across it and thought, "this might be something I can use.  Wouldn't we all like to be able to use this eraser?  And I am not talking about using it on paper, but on your life.   Lets face it, we all have oops moments,  whether those moments just happened or we did something on purpose that caused those moments.  A couple swipes of our life eraser and everything would be back to normal and we could go on living life.  We all know that this is not possible, but there are ways in which we can learn to "fix" those oops moments.
   One of the things I have been trying to stress to my clients is its not all about how you mess up, but how you come out on the other side, hence, what did you learn from the mess up and how are you going to try and prevent it.  This can relate to our families and kids.  I hear many parents say, "Well, they got in trouble or didnt so something right so I gave them consequences."  Believe me I have no issues with consequences, but, instead of consequences, was there a teaching moment that was missed?  Too many times we assume our children and teens know how to do something, when in reality they have no idea.  Are you learning from your oops moments so you can better prepare your family for theirs?

Questions:
1)  How do I respond to my children or teens oops moments?
2)  Are there times when I need to do some teaching instead of giving a consequence(or both)?
3)  Am I allowing them to mess up or trying to "save" them from it?
 

The Three Stooges

I remember as a kid watching the three stooges and finding them hilarious.  Every episode would contain Moe, Larry and Curly beating up on one another in hilarious ways.  It seems strange now how something so over the top was so funny.  In thinking about the three stooges there are "three life stooges" that can treat us pretty horribly and its not funny at all.  Those three are being tired, being hungry and being stressed.  These three simple things can cause relationship issues in our kids, teens and families.  In today's society we are so busy with school, sports, church(yes I said it), and so many other things that we fail to take care of the basic needs.
I am seeing more and more kids and teens in my office dealing with anxiety, and while eating and sleeping wont heal anxiety, they are 2 simple things that just may help make life a bit easier to get through.
EAT, SLEEP, RELAX, it may help more then you know

Realities:
- Kids ages 6-9 need 10 hours of sleep a night
- Kids ages10-12 need a little over 9 hours
- Teens need about 8.5-9 hours
Shocking I know, but remember these are not set in stone numbers, each child and teen is different.  But it puts things in perspective.  By the way, you parents, you need 7-8 hours!
(Taken from kidshealth.com and mayoclinic.com) 

Questions to ask:
1) Are me and my family members (kids, teens, husband) getting the sleep they need?
2) Are me and my family eating the way we should? 
3) Are me and my family doing things to relieve stress or am I aware of how stressed me or my family are?

Some would say, "I don't have time to eat and sleep, I am too busy with life."  Well, then you might be too stressed to realize that you are tired and hungry.

Not like my parents

     Before I became a counselor I taught Elementary and High school.  Teaching in these two settings, I made a startling realization, I disciplined my class like my mom disciplined me growing up.  I remember sitting at my desk totally bewildered, how did this happen?  I think many have joked saying, " I would never do or say some of the things my parents did."  But what I found working with families is that many times these things that were done and said in childhood come back to almost haunt those parents today.  They discipline, act and treat their children as they were treated.  You might be wondering, how did this happen, I never wanted to be like "them".  We are like our parents because that is what was modeled for us.  We look to our parents for teaching and guidance and even when it is not healthy we repeat those lessons later on.  We have no other examples.
     All is not lost however, being aware of how you were raised and how you currently raise your own children can be a huge factor in changing your behaviors.
     Give some thought on some of the positive and negative things from your childhood and teen years.  Repeat the positives, stop the negatives! 

Questions to ask yourself:  
1) What were some of the things as a child that you remember fondly?
2) What are some things your parents did that you wish were different?
3) How do I change current behaviors in raising my own children/teens?
4) Do I have unfinished business from my childhood I need to work at?